Friday, October 13, 2006

Why Michelle Malkin Ought To Be Caged Like a Rabid Shih-Tzu (Buddies Edition):
In her increasingly desperate attempt to make herself into some kind of media darling, hideously deformed, incessantly snarling she-beast Michelle Malkin has been making shitty little videos with crappy commentary and putrescent You Tube-level production values for Hot Air. Now, she's invited "friends" over to participate in a take on ABC's celebration of crazed caffeinated bitchery, The View. Malkin calls it The Vent (at least on her website), and, see, her oh-look-we're-so-goddamn-clever take on it is to reverse what she sees as the political dynamic of The View and have three conservatives and a liberal. The conservatives would be Malkin, blogstress of doom Mary Katherine Ham, and creepy LaShawn Barber. The liberal would be hottie-McHottie Kirsten Powers (who actually writes smart stuff for The American Prospect and does qualify for the name "liberal" despite her presence on Fox "News").

The setting is a living room that looks straight out of the porn film set catalog, with a big vinyl couch that can be easily wiped clean. And, indeed, with all the sexual tension between Malkin, who sits there with that "I hate myself and I've been violated" body language," and Powers, it might have been time to break out the spray bottle and disinfect that furniture. Malkin is the mistress of ceremonies, with her lips so chapped as if she's sucked so much white conservative cock that she owns stock in Chapstick.

And, oh, boy, oh, boy, how they get it going with the Mark Foley scandal. Barber talks about how she's a conservative who wants Hastert to resign, Ham talks about how she doesn't think it's a big deal, Powers asks a stupid question and gets a stupid answer, and Malkin rolls her cartoonish eyes at the whole affair. Well, fuck, at least she got the political depth of The View right.

Then the women have loads of fun talking about those crazy fans who edit videos of them for You Tube or send them lots of e-mail. Race traitor LaShawn Barber complains that people call her a race traitor. Ham, who looks like she's leading the "Most Likely To Use This Set For Porn" voting, giggles about how some have set her to music. Malkin says something and who the fuck cares. Powers, who has barely spoken all seven minutes, says she gets e-mail that calls her hot, which is odd, considering that she's hot.

In the ultimate demonstration of female empowerment, they all end the show by agreeing that it'd be fun to go to the gun range together for an episode. Ah, yes, isn't it nice that what these (mostly) conservative women really want is a penis substitute they can grab onto.

A pointless exercise in pointless glory-seeking that'll be sadly entertaining to very sad people.