Monday, November 10, 2003

The Devil Is a Vicious Bastard, and He's Coming for Republican Souls, Oh, So Yummy:

The Rude Pundit knows the Devil. Not your red-tailed, pitchfork holdin', horn headed one that fundamentalists and children believe in. The real Devil, the one who shows up when you've been fucking around in ways that only the Devil ought to be. Oh, the Rude Pundit has met the Devil on a number of occasions, and he knows that the Devil always wins. Don't dance with Devil unless you are ready for the flames that will inevitably lap at your feet.



The Devil makes sure that Jeffrey Dahmer gets the broomstick beating death, the Devil gives Ronald Reagan Alzheimer's and slowly dines on the bits of brain that fall out, and the Devil has been busy lately. And all signs are the Devil wants his due from the Republicans and other sons-of-bitches in the world. And when it's time to pay the Devil, just drop your pants and wait for the searing pain of his hooked cock tearing your sphincter.



Take, for example, Saudi Arabia and the House of Saud. For years, the depraved and immensely wealthy ruling family has kept Saudi Arabia in a state of dictatorship and barbarism that would make Saddam Hussein proud. And all of that would have been fine and dandy for most of the madcap fundamentalist Muslims, especially those who were financed by the wealthy and depraved Saudis, except for this: the House of Saud agreed to dance with the United States in order to maintain all of its power and wealth and the U.S. merrily enjoyed the waltz of oil and terrorist funding until, of course, the Devil decided to call in his marker on September 11, 2001. And for any simpleton who believes otherwise, Saudi Arabia was the major player in the attacks that day. Now that we've had our second attack in Riyadh by (presumably) Al-Qaeda, we can assume that the end is near for the house of Saud, that, like the Romanovs in a century long past, it's only a matter of time before the public executions move on to sheiks and princes who thought they were so safe, that oil and money would protect them from the angry rabble who want their own power. And, don't worry, Israel, the Devil is giving your ledger a good long look.



It's not just overseas that the Devil is giving a good sodomizing to the powerful. Here in the United States, the bill has come due on the vicious right-wing policies that have been destroying America. In the first of what will more than likely be a torrential downpour of proof of the failure of the right in this country, states are discovering that the draconian sentences they've been imposing on "criminals" for years is actually beginning to drain their coffers. So, let's see, you mean minimum sentencing, three strikes, cuts in rehab programs, and limited paroles actually means we have to pay for criminals to stay in jail? Man, let's send those fuckers to Iraq, where at least they can die for their countries. The Rude Pundit looks forward to the day that some idiot tries to raise taxes to pay for more prisons.



Let's not even get started on all the ways in which the environmental policies of the Republicans in America are destroying us, stomping all Americans like so many grapes in a vat of sweet, blood red wine to be drunk later out of the gold goblets of corporate executives, cheering as Gale Norton does a little striptease for them, tossing out lawsuits and regulations like so many g-strings and pasties. Oh, the Devil loves the dancing.



There's a big fucking bill coming due in America, maybe not now, maybe not even in the next election, but the lies are being exposed over and over, even as those in power lie about the lying. The Devil will have his way. It just works that way. Ask anyone, from Uday Hussein to Mussolini to Ceaucescu to George Bush, Sr. Eventually the Devil shows up and says, "Bend over while I fuck your soul free from your useless body."