Three Years of Rudeness: Open Yer Purses and Show the Love, Part 4:
Today is the first day of year four of the Rude Pundit. It's a motherfuckin' birthday. It's also the last day the Rude Pundit's gonna outright say, "Give up the cash, bitch. There's work to be done."
Around the globe, in amounts small and not-so-small, people have been kindly givin' their money for the cause of putting on a new Rude Pundit show (and maybe to buy a beer or two). And for that, the Rude Pundit is much appreciative.
So, for the last day, for those who have been wondering, "What can I do to show the Rude Pundit how much I love his high, hard bloggery?" there's the button on the right that reads "Make a Donation." Use your love arrow and poke that fucker.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Osama Laughed:
In some cave that smells of shit and incense, somewhere in the Safed Koh mountain range in Pakistan, far enough from the Khyber Pass to be incognito, Osama bin Laden is laughing his ass off watching his satellite television. He's laughing so hard on his cot that he's yanked out his catheter and now piss covers him, but it's so worth it to have this hearty laugh. It might be the guffaw that kills him, but in the end he will die knowing that he won, that in a handful of acts of violence, he showed the world who Americans really are.
Osama bin Laden laughed at the absurdity of the statements of those supporting the Military Commissions Act of 2006. At the fact that, with a straight face (for, indeed, what other face does he have?), Senator Mitch McConnell could say, "We are at war against extremists who want to kill our citizens, cripple our economy, and discredit the principles we hold dear--freedom and democracy," even as he voted to gut some of those principles like a river trout before a campfire. McConnell continued, to Osama's great amusement, "This system is exceedingly fair since al-Qaida in no way follows the Geneva Conventions or any other international norm. Al-Qaida respects no law, no authority, no legitimacy but that of its own twisted strain of radical Islam. Al-Qaida grants no procedural rights to Americans they capture." Yes, Osama thinks, one of his great achievements was to bring the great and wide United States into the caves with him.
Osama bin Laden chortled as the mighty John McCain spouted forth, "Should the United States be seen as amending, modifying, or redefining the Geneva Conventions, it would open the door for our adversaries to do the same, now and in the future. The United States should champion the Geneva Conventions, not look for ways to get around them, lest we invite others to do the same," even as the torture-weakened Senator voted to allow the Geneva Conventions to be interpreted with the same clarity as the clues in an episode of Lost (unironically, one of bin Laden's favorite shows).
Yes, yes, oh, how Osama bin Laden's having a great laugh at our expense. When the Congressional debate first began, bin Laden simply said, "Goddamn, I expected to fuck some shit up, but, really, c'mon, who would've thought we'd do this?" as his men around him wiped piss from his lap, shit from his ass, but could do nothing to get that fucking smirk off his face.
In some cave that smells of shit and incense, somewhere in the Safed Koh mountain range in Pakistan, far enough from the Khyber Pass to be incognito, Osama bin Laden is laughing his ass off watching his satellite television. He's laughing so hard on his cot that he's yanked out his catheter and now piss covers him, but it's so worth it to have this hearty laugh. It might be the guffaw that kills him, but in the end he will die knowing that he won, that in a handful of acts of violence, he showed the world who Americans really are.
Osama bin Laden laughed at the absurdity of the statements of those supporting the Military Commissions Act of 2006. At the fact that, with a straight face (for, indeed, what other face does he have?), Senator Mitch McConnell could say, "We are at war against extremists who want to kill our citizens, cripple our economy, and discredit the principles we hold dear--freedom and democracy," even as he voted to gut some of those principles like a river trout before a campfire. McConnell continued, to Osama's great amusement, "This system is exceedingly fair since al-Qaida in no way follows the Geneva Conventions or any other international norm. Al-Qaida respects no law, no authority, no legitimacy but that of its own twisted strain of radical Islam. Al-Qaida grants no procedural rights to Americans they capture." Yes, Osama thinks, one of his great achievements was to bring the great and wide United States into the caves with him.
Osama bin Laden chortled as the mighty John McCain spouted forth, "Should the United States be seen as amending, modifying, or redefining the Geneva Conventions, it would open the door for our adversaries to do the same, now and in the future. The United States should champion the Geneva Conventions, not look for ways to get around them, lest we invite others to do the same," even as the torture-weakened Senator voted to allow the Geneva Conventions to be interpreted with the same clarity as the clues in an episode of Lost (unironically, one of bin Laden's favorite shows).
Yes, yes, oh, how Osama bin Laden's having a great laugh at our expense. When the Congressional debate first began, bin Laden simply said, "Goddamn, I expected to fuck some shit up, but, really, c'mon, who would've thought we'd do this?" as his men around him wiped piss from his lap, shit from his ass, but could do nothing to get that fucking smirk off his face.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Three Years of Rudeness: Open Yer Purses and Show the Love, Part 3:
Hell, yeah. All over the globe, people are reachin' into their pants and yankin' out a bit of love for the Rude Pundit, and he's much appreciative for the effulgent results of their efforts. Let's keep this party goin' through tomorrow, the real and true beginning of the fourth year of rude punditry.
So use your mouse to tickle that "Make a Donation" button. Yeah, just flick, lick it, and give it a twirl. And when you have a mind-blowing page opener, toss some money in the Paypal hopper. Think of it as a cigarette.
(Donations are supporting the Rude Pundit's new solo show, The Road to Rude, which will preview in two weeks at the Backdoor Playhouse in Cookeville, Tennessee. No. Really.)
Hell, yeah. All over the globe, people are reachin' into their pants and yankin' out a bit of love for the Rude Pundit, and he's much appreciative for the effulgent results of their efforts. Let's keep this party goin' through tomorrow, the real and true beginning of the fourth year of rude punditry.
So use your mouse to tickle that "Make a Donation" button. Yeah, just flick, lick it, and give it a twirl. And when you have a mind-blowing page opener, toss some money in the Paypal hopper. Think of it as a cigarette.
(Donations are supporting the Rude Pundit's new solo show, The Road to Rude, which will preview in two weeks at the Backdoor Playhouse in Cookeville, Tennessee. No. Really.)
Democrats: The Rude Pundit's Got Your Cover For Filibustering the Torture/Detention Bill:
Democrats in the Senate are playing this debate over the Indefinite Detention and Torture-at-Will bill like a blackjack player staring at a fifteen while the dealer's holding a king. And that's not even remotely close to the truth of the situation.
By voting for or not filibustering the bill, many of the non-Lieberman Democrats will have been terrorized into voting against their own beliefs. In other words, Karl Rove has them so fuckin', shittin' themselves scared over a possible ad that says they don't support torture that they're willin' to sell out the Constitution to try to get another vote or two. They've decided to play on the Republicans home field, like always, letting them create the context. And they're missing the real meaning of stopping the bill.
The most frustrating thing, in a purely political context, outside of any, let's say, moral, ethical, or practical reasons to oppose the bill, is that the Democrats already have the foundation set for filibustering it. What has been the theme of the midterms for the Democrats? George Bush sucks balls and don't you wanna kick him in his own nuts? That's reading the mood of the country right. Poll after poll after poll after poll says that people would like to line up on Pennsylvania Avenue and take turns kicking George Bush in the balls, with a good cock-punching in there for the wheelchair-bound, legless Iraq war vets. Democrats can cover their asses on a filibuster so easily, so sublimely simply, and, as ever, they won't do it.
Here ya go - two more one-liners to save the Constitution and the foundation of the nation: "Do you trust George Bush to decide what torture is?" and "Do you want George Bush to be able to imprison anyone he wants for as long as he wants?" So deep is the nation's distrust of Bush that, by making the bill about him and not "defending the homeland." You need more? Maybe a little more pithy? "George Bush says he wants the tools to fight terror. Do you trust him with the toolbox?"
Democrats are really sittin' on a pair of aces. Time to split those motherfuckers.
Democrats in the Senate are playing this debate over the Indefinite Detention and Torture-at-Will bill like a blackjack player staring at a fifteen while the dealer's holding a king. And that's not even remotely close to the truth of the situation.
By voting for or not filibustering the bill, many of the non-Lieberman Democrats will have been terrorized into voting against their own beliefs. In other words, Karl Rove has them so fuckin', shittin' themselves scared over a possible ad that says they don't support torture that they're willin' to sell out the Constitution to try to get another vote or two. They've decided to play on the Republicans home field, like always, letting them create the context. And they're missing the real meaning of stopping the bill.
The most frustrating thing, in a purely political context, outside of any, let's say, moral, ethical, or practical reasons to oppose the bill, is that the Democrats already have the foundation set for filibustering it. What has been the theme of the midterms for the Democrats? George Bush sucks balls and don't you wanna kick him in his own nuts? That's reading the mood of the country right. Poll after poll after poll after poll says that people would like to line up on Pennsylvania Avenue and take turns kicking George Bush in the balls, with a good cock-punching in there for the wheelchair-bound, legless Iraq war vets. Democrats can cover their asses on a filibuster so easily, so sublimely simply, and, as ever, they won't do it.
Here ya go - two more one-liners to save the Constitution and the foundation of the nation: "Do you trust George Bush to decide what torture is?" and "Do you want George Bush to be able to imprison anyone he wants for as long as he wants?" So deep is the nation's distrust of Bush that, by making the bill about him and not "defending the homeland." You need more? Maybe a little more pithy? "George Bush says he wants the tools to fight terror. Do you trust him with the toolbox?"
Democrats are really sittin' on a pair of aces. Time to split those motherfuckers.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
In Brief: Hamid Karzai Drinks the Bush Chowder:
Here's the President of Poppystan talking about terrorism, joining George Bush in a vicious rape of AP reporter Jennifer Loven at yesterday's joint press meet at the White House: "They came to America on September 11th, but they were attacking you before September 11th in other parts of the world. We are a witness in Afghanistan to what they are and how they can hurt. You are a witness in New York. Do you forget people jumping off the 80th floor or 70th floor when the planes hit them? Can you imagine what it will be for a man or a woman to jump off that high? Who did that? And where are they now? And how do we fight them, how do we get rid of them, other than going after them? Should we wait for them to come and kill us again? That's why we need more action around the world, in Afghanistan and elsewhere, to get them defeated -- extremism, their allies, terrorists and the like."
What inspired this bizarro rant about imagining people jumping from tall burning buildings? Loven had asked Bush, in light of the NIE, "why have you continued to say that the Iraq war has made this country safer?" It was just after Bush gave his pissy little answer that he told John "No Soul" Negroponte to declassify part of the NIE.
If you question the Iraq war, you may as well be shoving those 9/11 jumpers out of the windows yourself, no?
Tomorrow: Back to evil.
Here's the President of Poppystan talking about terrorism, joining George Bush in a vicious rape of AP reporter Jennifer Loven at yesterday's joint press meet at the White House: "They came to America on September 11th, but they were attacking you before September 11th in other parts of the world. We are a witness in Afghanistan to what they are and how they can hurt. You are a witness in New York. Do you forget people jumping off the 80th floor or 70th floor when the planes hit them? Can you imagine what it will be for a man or a woman to jump off that high? Who did that? And where are they now? And how do we fight them, how do we get rid of them, other than going after them? Should we wait for them to come and kill us again? That's why we need more action around the world, in Afghanistan and elsewhere, to get them defeated -- extremism, their allies, terrorists and the like."
What inspired this bizarro rant about imagining people jumping from tall burning buildings? Loven had asked Bush, in light of the NIE, "why have you continued to say that the Iraq war has made this country safer?" It was just after Bush gave his pissy little answer that he told John "No Soul" Negroponte to declassify part of the NIE.
If you question the Iraq war, you may as well be shoving those 9/11 jumpers out of the windows yourself, no?
Tomorrow: Back to evil.
Late Post Today:
J. Jonah Jameson needs some pics pronto. Back this afternoon with more on evil after taking care of Peter Parker duties.
J. Jonah Jameson needs some pics pronto. Back this afternoon with more on evil after taking care of Peter Parker duties.
Three Years of Rudeness: Open Yer Purses and Show the Love, Part 2:
Aww, yeah, rude world. A big ol' heap o' thanks to all the people who so far have parted the wings of their bifolds and given of themselves to the Rude Pundit. From Australia to Europe, from sea to shinin' sea in the USA, such generous use of your cash is making the Rude Pundit's third anniversary of bloggery a festive occasion.
Don't stop now. You know you're starin' at that "Make a donation" button over there on the right, thinkin' it's lookin' all smug and shit. Treat it like it's Chris Wallace's smirky face and smack that fucker. And, well, hell, while you're at it, donate.
(Donations are going to the production costs of the Rude Pundit's upcoming new show, The Road to Rude, now in development, with a possible tour in the offing.)
Aww, yeah, rude world. A big ol' heap o' thanks to all the people who so far have parted the wings of their bifolds and given of themselves to the Rude Pundit. From Australia to Europe, from sea to shinin' sea in the USA, such generous use of your cash is making the Rude Pundit's third anniversary of bloggery a festive occasion.
Don't stop now. You know you're starin' at that "Make a donation" button over there on the right, thinkin' it's lookin' all smug and shit. Treat it like it's Chris Wallace's smirky face and smack that fucker. And, well, hell, while you're at it, donate.
(Donations are going to the production costs of the Rude Pundit's upcoming new show, The Road to Rude, now in development, with a possible tour in the offing.)
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Regarding Evil and American Identity, Part 1:
We have a skewed idea of what most evil actually is. We think evil - true, active evil - has at its base the intent to do harm or wreak havoc. It conforms with our Western (and very American) notions of the devil or demons. Hannibal Lecter enjoys causing extraordinary pain and gruesome torture. A James Bond villain may want to blow up the Earth. And, for sure, there exists in the world this kind of evil, people for whom there is no motivation other than the desire to create suffering. But that's not the way most evil is practiced.
The majority of evil in history can be directly tied to people whose intention was to do good. "Good" here is defined by the very people committing the acts. We can see this on a massive scale: the Crusades were fought because the good Christians of the West believed their myths were more real than the Islamic myths and thus the Holy Land needed to be liberated. Most slave owners in America believed that whipping and mutilating wayward slaves actually taught a moral lesson. The British believed that slaughtering Indians and Africans would make the Empire more peaceful. Hitler and most Nazis believed they would make the world a better place by eliminating Jews (and homosexuals, etc.). Jihadists commit suicide bombings and crash planes because they believe their myths are more real than Christian myths. Of course, there's always myriad sundry and soiled reasons for mass evil to be committed: the desire for and/or maintenance of power, the desire for and/or maintenance of wealth, and more. But, at the end of the day, most of the Hutus who macheted body parts off Tutsi neighbors in Rwanda believed they were justified, that they were doing good, that they were protecting themselves, that they were eliminating an enemy.
In none of these situations do we forgive the perpetrators. In none of these historical moments do we simply elide over the violence and horror because the people doing it thought they were making their world a better place. We call "evil" by its name because we know that's what it is.
We are in a unique position, here, now, in this America, in that we are in a moment where we confront whether or not we are going to agree to become evil. No, we're not about to have a Kristallnacht or ethnic cleansing (yet). But our government is now trying to figure out just how evil it will be. The decisions to do evil are most often made by well-dressed people in small rooms, men and women who send out others below them to actually commit the evil acts. Most nations' evil is done as part of a program, documented and prepared, xeroxed and signed off on. A contract of sorts that evil will be done.
The very facts that we are engaged in a debate over how much pain, suffering, and humiliation is too much for the human mind and body; that we are arguing over whether to suspend legal principles that were established centuries ago in order to challenge unchecked power; that there simply exists no compelling reason for soldiers to continue to die in a war, all speak to our teetering on the brink of becoming an evil nation.
Last night, on MSNBC, Keith Olbermann was right: we are led by moral cowards. But, to take it further, more evil has been committed by fearful people than by brave ones. Ask the Bosnians.
We have to accept that, whatever their intentions, whatever reasons they might have had for their actions, the ones that they give mighty speeches about before handpicked crowds and the ones that they only whisper in private to their reflections in the mirror, we are now being led by people who are doing evil. This doesn't mean that others around the world are not doing evil. Just because al-Qaeda members commit evil deeds doesn't mean that Donald Rumsfeld does not. A man who murdered someone in a drive-by shooting is not excused because he is put into a jail cell next to a serial killer.
If we dare accept to our horror and infinite shame that we have allowed ourselves to be represented by people who do evil, even in the name of good, then we can either be complicit - we can go about our daily lives while the stench of the concentration camp pollutes the air of the town - or we can reject evil.
Tomorrow: "What do you want from us, Rude Pundit? What are you talking about? And can you be funnier? We like the funny."
Note: The Rude Pundit is aware of the moral, even religious, connotations of the word "evil." He intends to connote those very things. If you don't understand why, then you haven't been paying attention to American culture of the last thirty years.
We have a skewed idea of what most evil actually is. We think evil - true, active evil - has at its base the intent to do harm or wreak havoc. It conforms with our Western (and very American) notions of the devil or demons. Hannibal Lecter enjoys causing extraordinary pain and gruesome torture. A James Bond villain may want to blow up the Earth. And, for sure, there exists in the world this kind of evil, people for whom there is no motivation other than the desire to create suffering. But that's not the way most evil is practiced.
The majority of evil in history can be directly tied to people whose intention was to do good. "Good" here is defined by the very people committing the acts. We can see this on a massive scale: the Crusades were fought because the good Christians of the West believed their myths were more real than the Islamic myths and thus the Holy Land needed to be liberated. Most slave owners in America believed that whipping and mutilating wayward slaves actually taught a moral lesson. The British believed that slaughtering Indians and Africans would make the Empire more peaceful. Hitler and most Nazis believed they would make the world a better place by eliminating Jews (and homosexuals, etc.). Jihadists commit suicide bombings and crash planes because they believe their myths are more real than Christian myths. Of course, there's always myriad sundry and soiled reasons for mass evil to be committed: the desire for and/or maintenance of power, the desire for and/or maintenance of wealth, and more. But, at the end of the day, most of the Hutus who macheted body parts off Tutsi neighbors in Rwanda believed they were justified, that they were doing good, that they were protecting themselves, that they were eliminating an enemy.
In none of these situations do we forgive the perpetrators. In none of these historical moments do we simply elide over the violence and horror because the people doing it thought they were making their world a better place. We call "evil" by its name because we know that's what it is.
We are in a unique position, here, now, in this America, in that we are in a moment where we confront whether or not we are going to agree to become evil. No, we're not about to have a Kristallnacht or ethnic cleansing (yet). But our government is now trying to figure out just how evil it will be. The decisions to do evil are most often made by well-dressed people in small rooms, men and women who send out others below them to actually commit the evil acts. Most nations' evil is done as part of a program, documented and prepared, xeroxed and signed off on. A contract of sorts that evil will be done.
The very facts that we are engaged in a debate over how much pain, suffering, and humiliation is too much for the human mind and body; that we are arguing over whether to suspend legal principles that were established centuries ago in order to challenge unchecked power; that there simply exists no compelling reason for soldiers to continue to die in a war, all speak to our teetering on the brink of becoming an evil nation.
Last night, on MSNBC, Keith Olbermann was right: we are led by moral cowards. But, to take it further, more evil has been committed by fearful people than by brave ones. Ask the Bosnians.
We have to accept that, whatever their intentions, whatever reasons they might have had for their actions, the ones that they give mighty speeches about before handpicked crowds and the ones that they only whisper in private to their reflections in the mirror, we are now being led by people who are doing evil. This doesn't mean that others around the world are not doing evil. Just because al-Qaeda members commit evil deeds doesn't mean that Donald Rumsfeld does not. A man who murdered someone in a drive-by shooting is not excused because he is put into a jail cell next to a serial killer.
If we dare accept to our horror and infinite shame that we have allowed ourselves to be represented by people who do evil, even in the name of good, then we can either be complicit - we can go about our daily lives while the stench of the concentration camp pollutes the air of the town - or we can reject evil.
Tomorrow: "What do you want from us, Rude Pundit? What are you talking about? And can you be funnier? We like the funny."
Note: The Rude Pundit is aware of the moral, even religious, connotations of the word "evil." He intends to connote those very things. If you don't understand why, then you haven't been paying attention to American culture of the last thirty years.
Three Years of Rudeness: Open Yer Purses and Show Some Love:
This week marks the third anniversary of the Rude Pundit's adventures in Left Blogsylvania. And he wants money. He ain't gonna beg. He ain't gonna plead. He's gonna lean in real close and whisper in your ear, "C'mon, baby, open wide and give the Rude Pundit all you can."
So click on that mighty "Make a donation" button over there on the right; click it hard. Press it, slap it, treat it like your bitch. You know you wanna. You know you wanna show the Rude Pundit your love 'cause it'll make you feel so goddamn good.
(Donations this time around are going to producing the Rude Pundit's new show, The Road to Rude. And he's thinking hard about touring.)
This week marks the third anniversary of the Rude Pundit's adventures in Left Blogsylvania. And he wants money. He ain't gonna beg. He ain't gonna plead. He's gonna lean in real close and whisper in your ear, "C'mon, baby, open wide and give the Rude Pundit all you can."
So click on that mighty "Make a donation" button over there on the right; click it hard. Press it, slap it, treat it like your bitch. You know you wanna. You know you wanna show the Rude Pundit your love 'cause it'll make you feel so goddamn good.
(Donations this time around are going to producing the Rude Pundit's new show, The Road to Rude. And he's thinking hard about touring.)
Monday, September 25, 2006
What the Rest of the NIE Might Contain:
Rude reader Mike G. was inspired by an image in today's Rude Pundit post, so he fired up his Photoshop and created this:
That would be Love-a-lot Bear staring at you with its cold, dead eyes. Just like John Negroponte.
Rude reader Mike G. was inspired by an image in today's Rude Pundit post, so he fired up his Photoshop and created this:
That would be Love-a-lot Bear staring at you with its cold, dead eyes. Just like John Negroponte.
So, Like, Are Terrorists Gonna Give Everyone a Bunny?:
Yesterday's report that the still-classified National Intelligence Estimate, featuring the compiled investigations of all of America's intelligence-gathering operations, couldn't have been more clear: "Islamic radicalism, rather than being in retreat, has metastasized and spread across the globe" and "the Iraq war has made the overall terrorism problem worse." That's according to anonymous government sources who have read the report. Now, unless this is some twisted Rovean disinformation (which, in this savage season, is always possible), it's pretty damned straightforward: the Bush administration's great and grand adventure in the Iraqi deserts and streets has made the world a more deadly place.
Now we hear from the minister of evil himself, John Negroponte, that it's all in the context. Issuing a statement from his regal office in Hell, printed, surely, on the dried skin of Sunni torture victims, Negroponte hissed, "The conclusions of the intelligence community are designed to be comprehensive and viewing them through the narrow prism of a fraction of judgments distorts the broad framework they create." Get it? We're only seeing a tiny portion of what's in the mighty document. Affirms the White House, the articles are "not representative of the complete document."
Of course, that begs the question: what the hell could be in the rest of the NIE that actually mitigates the finding that we're screwed harder than a twenty-buck-a-fuck hooker in an alley behind a Chicago bar after the Bears win? 'Cause, like, if all they got is that they killed Zarqawi and a couple of other "high-ranking" terrorists, that doesn't really make up for causing the jihadi movement to grow with all the rank speed of mold inside a flooded New Orleans home.
One supposes the NIE could say that, well, shit, yeah, there's a massive expansion of Islamic fundamentalist nutzoids who wanna blow them some shit up, but, hey, in Afghanistan, the Taliban foot soldiers say that their women are letting them do anal on them more without narcing them out to the local authorities (Allah no likey the ass play). And if more ass-fucking is occurring, you know, we're well on our way to a more peaceful tomorrow. Either that or they've figured out that Jesus is gonna get pissed and finally intercede on America's behalf.
See? It's goddamn sunshine and sweetness. Maybe we're thinking wrong about this. Maybe it ain't the content that Negroponte's talkin' about. Maybe if you saw the whole report, you'd see they made it all pretty, with hearts and smiley-faces dotting the i's, with rainbows and unicorns decorating the margins. Hell, you could write, "We're all gonna fuckin' die tomorrow," but if you print it up in purple on pink paper with a doily behind it and a Care Bear next to it, it's gonna make you feel so much better about your imminent demise.
Can't they just be honest? Just for a few minutes? Can't they just say, "Well, shit, you're right, so why don't we try to make this better?" No, instead, they'll say that Democrats are "playing politics" with classified information even as they take out their models of the Twin Towers, the ones with the plane parts pasted on the sides, and beat Democrats over the head with them.
Yesterday's report that the still-classified National Intelligence Estimate, featuring the compiled investigations of all of America's intelligence-gathering operations, couldn't have been more clear: "Islamic radicalism, rather than being in retreat, has metastasized and spread across the globe" and "the Iraq war has made the overall terrorism problem worse." That's according to anonymous government sources who have read the report. Now, unless this is some twisted Rovean disinformation (which, in this savage season, is always possible), it's pretty damned straightforward: the Bush administration's great and grand adventure in the Iraqi deserts and streets has made the world a more deadly place.
Now we hear from the minister of evil himself, John Negroponte, that it's all in the context. Issuing a statement from his regal office in Hell, printed, surely, on the dried skin of Sunni torture victims, Negroponte hissed, "The conclusions of the intelligence community are designed to be comprehensive and viewing them through the narrow prism of a fraction of judgments distorts the broad framework they create." Get it? We're only seeing a tiny portion of what's in the mighty document. Affirms the White House, the articles are "not representative of the complete document."
Of course, that begs the question: what the hell could be in the rest of the NIE that actually mitigates the finding that we're screwed harder than a twenty-buck-a-fuck hooker in an alley behind a Chicago bar after the Bears win? 'Cause, like, if all they got is that they killed Zarqawi and a couple of other "high-ranking" terrorists, that doesn't really make up for causing the jihadi movement to grow with all the rank speed of mold inside a flooded New Orleans home.
One supposes the NIE could say that, well, shit, yeah, there's a massive expansion of Islamic fundamentalist nutzoids who wanna blow them some shit up, but, hey, in Afghanistan, the Taliban foot soldiers say that their women are letting them do anal on them more without narcing them out to the local authorities (Allah no likey the ass play). And if more ass-fucking is occurring, you know, we're well on our way to a more peaceful tomorrow. Either that or they've figured out that Jesus is gonna get pissed and finally intercede on America's behalf.
See? It's goddamn sunshine and sweetness. Maybe we're thinking wrong about this. Maybe it ain't the content that Negroponte's talkin' about. Maybe if you saw the whole report, you'd see they made it all pretty, with hearts and smiley-faces dotting the i's, with rainbows and unicorns decorating the margins. Hell, you could write, "We're all gonna fuckin' die tomorrow," but if you print it up in purple on pink paper with a doily behind it and a Care Bear next to it, it's gonna make you feel so much better about your imminent demise.
Can't they just be honest? Just for a few minutes? Can't they just say, "Well, shit, you're right, so why don't we try to make this better?" No, instead, they'll say that Democrats are "playing politics" with classified information even as they take out their models of the Twin Towers, the ones with the plane parts pasted on the sides, and beat Democrats over the head with them.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Fox Lies On Its Website Regarding What Clinton Interview Would Be About:
If any conservative mongers of cock want to try to defend Chris "Fucking Liar" Wallace and Fox "News" for its sneak attack on Bill Clinton, even the Fox "News" website promotes what Clinton said the interview was going to be. For the Fox "News" Sunday page contains this as a teaser, written, one presumes, before Wallace jumped Clinton with allegation that the former president did little stop Osama Bin Laden:
"On FOX News Sunday this week: Former President Bill Clinton brought together hundreds of influential heads of state, international policymakers, corporate heavyweights, and religious leaders this week to address major global challenges. We will sit down with the nation's 42nd president to discuss his second annual Clinton Global Initiative, as well as the Democrats chances of winning back Congress, and his wife's presidential aspirations.
"President Clinton recently said that he will have to live to be a 'very old man' if he is to accomplish as much out of office as he did during his eight years in the White House. But the former president has found a calling in confronting global challenges and raised billions of dollars toward solving issues like religious conflict, climate change, and global public health and poverty. We will discuss his success thus far in bringing together a wide range of partners, raising funds, and empowering individuals to cure many of the world's ills. In addition, we will gain his insights into the state of the war on terrorism, the upcoming midterm elections, and 2008 presidential politics."
Huh. Wonder where Clinton got the idea that they'd be talking about the present and not the past.
If any conservative mongers of cock want to try to defend Chris "Fucking Liar" Wallace and Fox "News" for its sneak attack on Bill Clinton, even the Fox "News" website promotes what Clinton said the interview was going to be. For the Fox "News" Sunday page contains this as a teaser, written, one presumes, before Wallace jumped Clinton with allegation that the former president did little stop Osama Bin Laden:
"On FOX News Sunday this week: Former President Bill Clinton brought together hundreds of influential heads of state, international policymakers, corporate heavyweights, and religious leaders this week to address major global challenges. We will sit down with the nation's 42nd president to discuss his second annual Clinton Global Initiative, as well as the Democrats chances of winning back Congress, and his wife's presidential aspirations.
"President Clinton recently said that he will have to live to be a 'very old man' if he is to accomplish as much out of office as he did during his eight years in the White House. But the former president has found a calling in confronting global challenges and raised billions of dollars toward solving issues like religious conflict, climate change, and global public health and poverty. We will discuss his success thus far in bringing together a wide range of partners, raising funds, and empowering individuals to cure many of the world's ills. In addition, we will gain his insights into the state of the war on terrorism, the upcoming midterm elections, and 2008 presidential politics."
Huh. Wonder where Clinton got the idea that they'd be talking about the present and not the past.
Farewell To the Swami...:
This week marked the end of the line to one of the Rude Pundit's favorite blogs, Swami Uptown. Jesse Kornbluth's work on Beliefnet was an oasis of empathy, elegant rage, and muted uplift. Swami wrestled endlessly with the agony and damage being done to our American soul in the last five years, sometimes being overwhelmed by it all. In the realm of Left Blogsylvania, where we burst with anger, cynicism, and sarcasm (see below), Swami Uptown reminded us that sincerity need not be shouted to be heard.
But the Head Butler Goes On:
However, Kornbluth's other alter-ego (although he may have more than two), Head Butler, is hitting the big-time. Head Butler is an eclectic collection of reviews, ranging from Louisiana blues rocker CC Adcock's latest CD to the writings of Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, demonstrating that there is truly no line between high and low culture. Click around for insightful critiques of works old and new.
And listen this afternoon to NPR's All Things Considered. Kornbluth will be interviewed for the last ten-minute segment of the show. He may not be the Swami anymore, but he can lead you to enlightenment.
This week marked the end of the line to one of the Rude Pundit's favorite blogs, Swami Uptown. Jesse Kornbluth's work on Beliefnet was an oasis of empathy, elegant rage, and muted uplift. Swami wrestled endlessly with the agony and damage being done to our American soul in the last five years, sometimes being overwhelmed by it all. In the realm of Left Blogsylvania, where we burst with anger, cynicism, and sarcasm (see below), Swami Uptown reminded us that sincerity need not be shouted to be heard.
But the Head Butler Goes On:
However, Kornbluth's other alter-ego (although he may have more than two), Head Butler, is hitting the big-time. Head Butler is an eclectic collection of reviews, ranging from Louisiana blues rocker CC Adcock's latest CD to the writings of Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, demonstrating that there is truly no line between high and low culture. Click around for insightful critiques of works old and new.
And listen this afternoon to NPR's All Things Considered. Kornbluth will be interviewed for the last ten-minute segment of the show. He may not be the Swami anymore, but he can lead you to enlightenment.
The Big Dog Always Gets the Fox:
You're gonna be seeing a lot about Bill Clinton's vicious beatdown of Fox "News" anchor Chris Wallace, about the Big Dog's intense defense of his adminstration's record on terrorism, about his attack on the right, about how he ripped off Wallace's arms and used them to beat the poor bastard unconscious. But let's not let one quote pass without notice. When Wallace, armless, desperately turning his head to wipe the blood off his mouth, asked Clinton about promoting democracy in the Muslim world, the former President said, "Democracy is about way more than majority rule. Democracy is about minority rights, individual rights, restraints on power."
Now that's an undercut to the gut of the Bush administration.
You're gonna be seeing a lot about Bill Clinton's vicious beatdown of Fox "News" anchor Chris Wallace, about the Big Dog's intense defense of his adminstration's record on terrorism, about his attack on the right, about how he ripped off Wallace's arms and used them to beat the poor bastard unconscious. But let's not let one quote pass without notice. When Wallace, armless, desperately turning his head to wipe the blood off his mouth, asked Clinton about promoting democracy in the Muslim world, the former President said, "Democracy is about way more than majority rule. Democracy is about minority rights, individual rights, restraints on power."
Now that's an undercut to the gut of the Bush administration.
Friday, September 22, 2006
The Great Cave-In - The Torture "Compromise":
How soon after they were shown the implements of torture did McCain, Warner, and Graham cave? What did it take? Was John McCain forced to watch a Rove-created video dated for spring 2008 accusing him of wanting to hand job confessions out of al-Qaeda suicide bomber wannabes? Was John Warner given a demonstration of the strap-ons and dildos that'd be used on his eighty-year old ass? Did they just show Lindsey Graham a laptop with a live satellite feed of the outside of his beloved sister's home, surrounded by snipers? For certainly, if we even begin to think that these three Republican senators were being honest players when they voiced opposition to the President's proposal seeking to find "clarity" in the Geneva Conventions that would allow torture, as well as to allow detainees to be tried on secret evidence, then we have to believe that they were threatened in order to cave so utterly, so completely, so disgustingly, so despairingly.
The fact that anyone thought for two seconds that we were watching honorable men confront the evil wrought by a president from their own party is a pathetic statement on just how debased politics has become in this country. If there can be actual celebratory jubilation over the brief stand taken by the Gutless Trio, then no one's been paying attention. For if John McCain actually gave a rat's ass about torture, then he would not have voted to confirm Alberto Gonzales or Samuel Alito. If Lindsey Graham gave a happy monkey fuck about the rights of detainees, then he wouldn't have authored an amendment limiting their rights of appeal. And Warner, despite his reputation as a moderate in some of his statements, almost always goes along with the herd, so, you know, fuck him, too. A real, genuine confrontation with the White House would have been to open hearings on the treatment of detainees, with subpoenas and possibly arrests. This was just legalistic wrangling over language.
And as for Democrats? Did they not realize that when they face the Republican party now that they are facing the Blob? And if part of the Blob is blown away or cut off from the rest of the Blob, that doesn't mean the Blob part is dead. No, no, see, once you turn your back, that blobby segment is just gonna find a way to ooze back to the main Blob and just fuckin' devour you with its acidic blobularity. The thing is that some of us out here in the audience are screamin' at the Democrats, "Turn around; it's not dead." Too late, just too late. (Was gonna go with the Terminator here, but the Blob is from the 1950s, which the Republicans wish it still was.) Democrats got handed their asses again by once more putting faith in the alleged independence of John McCain, hiding behind his gimpy skirts, thinking that he was gonna take one for the team. One imagines that after the "negotiations" were done and the "compromise" was reached, Bush called McCain up and said, "You've covered your ass now."
In the final analysis, the compromise says that Bush gets to decide what is a "grave breach" of the Geneva Conventions, a government prosecutor gets to say what evidence a detainee and/or his attorney can see at trial, and the lights get turned back on at some godforsaken CIA dungeon in a remote area of Uzbekistan. Thank Christ we can finally get back to the goodly work of arresting people without charge, sending them to Syria, and looking away while they're kept in a coffin-sized space and beaten with metal cable.
But, really, and, c'mon, this was all a pretty dance for the cameras and the folks back home because of the inevitable signing statement that'll accompany the bill.
As for the nation at large and how much it actually cares? Well, let's end on an historical note. Here's William B. Shepard speaking in 1816 about Americans' reaction to the mistreatment and massacre of American prisoners at the Dartmoor Prison in England during the War of 1812: "If reflections like these cannot rouse our indignation; if imagination cannot supply the want of feeling, whence shall we procure a drug that will stir the latent power of affection? Have Americans sunk into that torpidity congenial to slaves? Or had ingratitude barred the door to their hearts?"
Shepard, who opposed slavery and the policies of Andrew Jackson, turns it back to thoughts of the imprisoned towards the end of his speech, given at the University of North Carolina. Shepard says, "How, then, can we blame those unfortunate prisoners, robbed of light and air, doomed to hold converse dungeon damps, and tell unto the stones their misfortunes, administered unto by men who live like mushrooms but from corruption, for catching at the brittle reed to save them from destruction? If we do, we know not the sufferings of our captive brethren.– Consider that the idea of wife, of children, and of home, was smothered beneath the chains and manacles of captivity; that hope, arrayed in all its visionary colors, as it rises to give a glimpse of future bliss, is quenched in a moment; that they were thrown into a gloomy, disconsolate cell, where no sound drew them from the misery of thought, but the groans of affliction and the passing watchman's cry of 'all is well.'"
One can be certain that the British thought the prisoners were deserving of their treatment. One can be certain that they used horrible methods to extract information. One can be certain they thought they were justified.
How soon after they were shown the implements of torture did McCain, Warner, and Graham cave? What did it take? Was John McCain forced to watch a Rove-created video dated for spring 2008 accusing him of wanting to hand job confessions out of al-Qaeda suicide bomber wannabes? Was John Warner given a demonstration of the strap-ons and dildos that'd be used on his eighty-year old ass? Did they just show Lindsey Graham a laptop with a live satellite feed of the outside of his beloved sister's home, surrounded by snipers? For certainly, if we even begin to think that these three Republican senators were being honest players when they voiced opposition to the President's proposal seeking to find "clarity" in the Geneva Conventions that would allow torture, as well as to allow detainees to be tried on secret evidence, then we have to believe that they were threatened in order to cave so utterly, so completely, so disgustingly, so despairingly.
The fact that anyone thought for two seconds that we were watching honorable men confront the evil wrought by a president from their own party is a pathetic statement on just how debased politics has become in this country. If there can be actual celebratory jubilation over the brief stand taken by the Gutless Trio, then no one's been paying attention. For if John McCain actually gave a rat's ass about torture, then he would not have voted to confirm Alberto Gonzales or Samuel Alito. If Lindsey Graham gave a happy monkey fuck about the rights of detainees, then he wouldn't have authored an amendment limiting their rights of appeal. And Warner, despite his reputation as a moderate in some of his statements, almost always goes along with the herd, so, you know, fuck him, too. A real, genuine confrontation with the White House would have been to open hearings on the treatment of detainees, with subpoenas and possibly arrests. This was just legalistic wrangling over language.
And as for Democrats? Did they not realize that when they face the Republican party now that they are facing the Blob? And if part of the Blob is blown away or cut off from the rest of the Blob, that doesn't mean the Blob part is dead. No, no, see, once you turn your back, that blobby segment is just gonna find a way to ooze back to the main Blob and just fuckin' devour you with its acidic blobularity. The thing is that some of us out here in the audience are screamin' at the Democrats, "Turn around; it's not dead." Too late, just too late. (Was gonna go with the Terminator here, but the Blob is from the 1950s, which the Republicans wish it still was.) Democrats got handed their asses again by once more putting faith in the alleged independence of John McCain, hiding behind his gimpy skirts, thinking that he was gonna take one for the team. One imagines that after the "negotiations" were done and the "compromise" was reached, Bush called McCain up and said, "You've covered your ass now."
In the final analysis, the compromise says that Bush gets to decide what is a "grave breach" of the Geneva Conventions, a government prosecutor gets to say what evidence a detainee and/or his attorney can see at trial, and the lights get turned back on at some godforsaken CIA dungeon in a remote area of Uzbekistan. Thank Christ we can finally get back to the goodly work of arresting people without charge, sending them to Syria, and looking away while they're kept in a coffin-sized space and beaten with metal cable.
But, really, and, c'mon, this was all a pretty dance for the cameras and the folks back home because of the inevitable signing statement that'll accompany the bill.
As for the nation at large and how much it actually cares? Well, let's end on an historical note. Here's William B. Shepard speaking in 1816 about Americans' reaction to the mistreatment and massacre of American prisoners at the Dartmoor Prison in England during the War of 1812: "If reflections like these cannot rouse our indignation; if imagination cannot supply the want of feeling, whence shall we procure a drug that will stir the latent power of affection? Have Americans sunk into that torpidity congenial to slaves? Or had ingratitude barred the door to their hearts?"
Shepard, who opposed slavery and the policies of Andrew Jackson, turns it back to thoughts of the imprisoned towards the end of his speech, given at the University of North Carolina. Shepard says, "How, then, can we blame those unfortunate prisoners, robbed of light and air, doomed to hold converse dungeon damps, and tell unto the stones their misfortunes, administered unto by men who live like mushrooms but from corruption, for catching at the brittle reed to save them from destruction? If we do, we know not the sufferings of our captive brethren.– Consider that the idea of wife, of children, and of home, was smothered beneath the chains and manacles of captivity; that hope, arrayed in all its visionary colors, as it rises to give a glimpse of future bliss, is quenched in a moment; that they were thrown into a gloomy, disconsolate cell, where no sound drew them from the misery of thought, but the groans of affliction and the passing watchman's cry of 'all is well.'"
One can be certain that the British thought the prisoners were deserving of their treatment. One can be certain that they used horrible methods to extract information. One can be certain they thought they were justified.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Bush on Blitzer: Like Homemade Porn:
Watching an interview with President Bush is a little like watching amateur porn. You know the kind, where maybe some middle-aged fat guy thinks he's Ron Jeremy and that his barely willing wife is Jenna Jameson. They go through the motions of porn flicks, with lots of flesh-slapping sounds, lots of grunts and murmurs of "take it, bitch," with the wife attempting to seem enthusiastic about the whole thing, sucking hubby's average-at-best cock and trying to take direction from him like it's a real film set: "No, no, do it like that one film, where she jacked him off right into her mouth. Rub it all over your face. Like that. Yeah." It's just sad, especially when the wife pretends that she's coming with a cry right out of the fake orgasm soundboard. When you watch, you know you're not gonna learn anything new, but like a fight at a hockey game or a crash at a NASCAR event, you keep watching for the inevitable fuck-ups and disasters. Mostly, though, you just end up feeling sorry for whoever was paid fifty bucks and some weed to do the videotaping.
So it was that the President deigned to be interviewed by Wolf "Behold My Sartorial Stubble of Seasoned Reportage" Blitzer on his CNN show, The Situation Room. In his monotone way, Blitzer kept trying to throw Bush off, although what Blitzer learned by the end of the interview was that if George Bush has a talking point to get through, he's gonna fuckin' get through it. Of all the times Bush stopped Blitzer from speaking with one of his "shut the fuck up" statements of "Excuse me, please" or "Let me finish," the best one was this: when Blitzer was trying to engage Bush on what he thought of the cozy meeting between the Presidents of Iraq and Iran, Bush was regurgitating about how splendiferous things are going in Iraq. He cut Blitzer off at the knees, saying, "Excuse me for a minute. I was on a brilliant point, as you know." Sure, one could say that it was that fantabulous presidential "wit" on display, but mostly we know it was just megalomaniacal par for the course.
Bush was on motherfuckin' message all the way through the interview, veering questions about the strange absence of Osama bin Laden in our custody into a re-re-re-re-affirmation of his desire for "doing other things" like eavesdropping and "getting intelligence" at will. Oh, and by the way, when Bush said he'd send troops into Pakistan to get Osama, if you watch the interview, you know he didn't understand what the fuck he was saying. Bush was just trying to act tough for the cameras.
As far as the tortured, mutilated corpses that bloom like morning glories every day in the streets of Iraq, Bush dismissed them as mere props for "the enemy" to get on TV: "The enemy has got the capacity to get on your TV screens by killing innocent people." See? It's like holding up a sign outside the Today show that says, "I'm the illegitimate love child of Matt and Meredith. Why won't you love me, Dad?" A bit over the top, but sure to get you noticed. Add in electric drill puncture wounds, and it's pretty much hard to tell the two apart.
But don't tell the President that, let's say, those corpses and car bombs planted by one ethnic group against another is a civil war. Oh, no. When Blitzer quoted Kofi Annan about the potential for the descent into full-blown civil war in Iraq, Bush, as ever, brought out his multi-starred props: "I'd rather quote the people on the ground who are very close to the situation, and who live it day by day, our ambassador or General Casey. I ask this question all the time, tell me what it's like there, and this notion that we're in civil war is just not true according to them. These are the people that live the issue." And then the President slapped Blitzer with the mummified arm of a Sunni insurgent.
What did we learn from the President yesterday? We learned that he can read a calendar, which is always good. When Blitzer said, "You know, you were thinking, dealing with Saddam Hussein long before 9/11," referring to an interview Bush did while a candidate, Bush interrupted Blitzer to remind the CNN anchor, "I wasn't in office long before 9/11...9/11, 2001 and I swore in in January of 2001." We learned that Bush doesn't give a fuck about what James Baker said in 1995 about the danger of invading Iraq because, well, shit, you know the answer - let's all say it together: "He was writing before September the 11th, 2001, and the world changed that day, Wolf."
Did you get that? The world changed. Like the world was just a big pile o' Play-Doh and the crazy kids got a hold of it and gave it a twist. How do we know the world changed? Because the President says so. Oh, sweet bliss of tautology, here he went: "The world changed that day because we had to deal with threats. No question Saddam Hussein did not order the attacks. On the other hand, Saddam Hussein was viewed as a threat by the Congress, by the United Nations, and by the United States administration. And so James Baker was writing before the world changed." You get it? It's not that Iraq changed. It's that the world did. You see, when you're about to get raped in prison, it doesn't mean that your ass has changed. But the world certainly has.
Yep, cheap-ass amateur porn is funny, but it won't turn you on unless you're desperate to jack off. Now, if you wanna get it up and blow a load, high quality porn is always available.
Watching an interview with President Bush is a little like watching amateur porn. You know the kind, where maybe some middle-aged fat guy thinks he's Ron Jeremy and that his barely willing wife is Jenna Jameson. They go through the motions of porn flicks, with lots of flesh-slapping sounds, lots of grunts and murmurs of "take it, bitch," with the wife attempting to seem enthusiastic about the whole thing, sucking hubby's average-at-best cock and trying to take direction from him like it's a real film set: "No, no, do it like that one film, where she jacked him off right into her mouth. Rub it all over your face. Like that. Yeah." It's just sad, especially when the wife pretends that she's coming with a cry right out of the fake orgasm soundboard. When you watch, you know you're not gonna learn anything new, but like a fight at a hockey game or a crash at a NASCAR event, you keep watching for the inevitable fuck-ups and disasters. Mostly, though, you just end up feeling sorry for whoever was paid fifty bucks and some weed to do the videotaping.
So it was that the President deigned to be interviewed by Wolf "Behold My Sartorial Stubble of Seasoned Reportage" Blitzer on his CNN show, The Situation Room. In his monotone way, Blitzer kept trying to throw Bush off, although what Blitzer learned by the end of the interview was that if George Bush has a talking point to get through, he's gonna fuckin' get through it. Of all the times Bush stopped Blitzer from speaking with one of his "shut the fuck up" statements of "Excuse me, please" or "Let me finish," the best one was this: when Blitzer was trying to engage Bush on what he thought of the cozy meeting between the Presidents of Iraq and Iran, Bush was regurgitating about how splendiferous things are going in Iraq. He cut Blitzer off at the knees, saying, "Excuse me for a minute. I was on a brilliant point, as you know." Sure, one could say that it was that fantabulous presidential "wit" on display, but mostly we know it was just megalomaniacal par for the course.
Bush was on motherfuckin' message all the way through the interview, veering questions about the strange absence of Osama bin Laden in our custody into a re-re-re-re-affirmation of his desire for "doing other things" like eavesdropping and "getting intelligence" at will. Oh, and by the way, when Bush said he'd send troops into Pakistan to get Osama, if you watch the interview, you know he didn't understand what the fuck he was saying. Bush was just trying to act tough for the cameras.
As far as the tortured, mutilated corpses that bloom like morning glories every day in the streets of Iraq, Bush dismissed them as mere props for "the enemy" to get on TV: "The enemy has got the capacity to get on your TV screens by killing innocent people." See? It's like holding up a sign outside the Today show that says, "I'm the illegitimate love child of Matt and Meredith. Why won't you love me, Dad?" A bit over the top, but sure to get you noticed. Add in electric drill puncture wounds, and it's pretty much hard to tell the two apart.
But don't tell the President that, let's say, those corpses and car bombs planted by one ethnic group against another is a civil war. Oh, no. When Blitzer quoted Kofi Annan about the potential for the descent into full-blown civil war in Iraq, Bush, as ever, brought out his multi-starred props: "I'd rather quote the people on the ground who are very close to the situation, and who live it day by day, our ambassador or General Casey. I ask this question all the time, tell me what it's like there, and this notion that we're in civil war is just not true according to them. These are the people that live the issue." And then the President slapped Blitzer with the mummified arm of a Sunni insurgent.
What did we learn from the President yesterday? We learned that he can read a calendar, which is always good. When Blitzer said, "You know, you were thinking, dealing with Saddam Hussein long before 9/11," referring to an interview Bush did while a candidate, Bush interrupted Blitzer to remind the CNN anchor, "I wasn't in office long before 9/11...9/11, 2001 and I swore in in January of 2001." We learned that Bush doesn't give a fuck about what James Baker said in 1995 about the danger of invading Iraq because, well, shit, you know the answer - let's all say it together: "He was writing before September the 11th, 2001, and the world changed that day, Wolf."
Did you get that? The world changed. Like the world was just a big pile o' Play-Doh and the crazy kids got a hold of it and gave it a twist. How do we know the world changed? Because the President says so. Oh, sweet bliss of tautology, here he went: "The world changed that day because we had to deal with threats. No question Saddam Hussein did not order the attacks. On the other hand, Saddam Hussein was viewed as a threat by the Congress, by the United Nations, and by the United States administration. And so James Baker was writing before the world changed." You get it? It's not that Iraq changed. It's that the world did. You see, when you're about to get raped in prison, it doesn't mean that your ass has changed. But the world certainly has.
Yep, cheap-ass amateur porn is funny, but it won't turn you on unless you're desperate to jack off. Now, if you wanna get it up and blow a load, high quality porn is always available.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
New Rude Pundit Show Previews in Tennessee:
The Road to Rude, the Rude Pundit's brand new one-rude-man show will preview at the Backdoor Playhouse in Cookeville, Tennessee (the location of the director of the Rude Pundit's previous show, the sold-out Year of Living Rudely) on October 12 for one performance only.
Also performing will be folk-rocker Addie Brownlee, and we're calling the night the "Cancel Your Grandpa's Vote" show.
The Road to Rude will feature a great deal of original (meaning not blogged) material.
For more info, contact techplayers[at]tntech.edu.
Oh, by the way, if you put your cock between two of the new Tickle Me Elmo Extreme dolls, it's kinda like titty-fucking a Sasquatch.
The Road to Rude, the Rude Pundit's brand new one-rude-man show will preview at the Backdoor Playhouse in Cookeville, Tennessee (the location of the director of the Rude Pundit's previous show, the sold-out Year of Living Rudely) on October 12 for one performance only.
Also performing will be folk-rocker Addie Brownlee, and we're calling the night the "Cancel Your Grandpa's Vote" show.
The Road to Rude will feature a great deal of original (meaning not blogged) material.
For more info, contact techplayers[at]tntech.edu.
Oh, by the way, if you put your cock between two of the new Tickle Me Elmo Extreme dolls, it's kinda like titty-fucking a Sasquatch.
Why Michelle Malkin Ought To Be Caged Like a Rabid Shih-Tzu, Part 782:
Oh, fuck, at this point, can anyone point to a reason why the cruelly snarling Malkin shouldn't be interned without charge or trial for the duration of, well, hell, let's just say for the duration? 'Cause lately, the vicious she-beast (who lives by the dictum: "If you think Ann Coulter is crazy, watch me eat my own poo") has been practicing cuntistry at such a fevered level that it's like watching humping wolverines.
As Glenn Greenwald points out, ideological consistency is as important to Malkin as a long-term mate is to a black widow spider. While Malkin has essentially said that anything the Bush administration does to torture, maim, or deprive of rights anyone merely tangentially suspected of having passed by an Islamic radical in the street is a-o-fuckin'-kay, she's got her vinyl thong in a crotch twist over the death sentence of three Catholics in Indonesia convicted, at a trial, no less, of having masterminded a massacre of 200 Muslims. See, apparently some of the evidence was "rejected by the court" and some witnesses weren't allowed to testify. So the condemned are appealing to the International Criminal Court.
And one day later, as in today, Malkin's linking to nutzoid right wingers who think that anything approaching rights for terrorism suspects is capitulation to the point that we may as well be growing our beards and blowing up our Christian idols now. For instance, here's one of Malkin's links, the National Review's Andrew "Not the St. Elmo's Fire Guy" McCarthy in USA Today on the case of Maher Arar, the innocent Canadian arrested by the U.S. and renditioned to Syria for torture. Malkin calls Arar "the new liberal cause celebre." McCarthy opines of the Arar error, "[W]ith the lives of 300 million Americans at stake, the United States cannot make national security policy based on individual anecdotes about government roguishness."
One imagines that while Arar was being held for ten months in a cell the size of a casket in a dungeon in Syria, only taken out for torture sessions, he must have been thinking, "Man, all these electrodes on my nuts, regular beatings, and things shoved up my ass really suck for me, but, hey, if it protects 300 million Americans, I'm willing to take one for the team." Yeah, those anecdotes, it's too bad they have to be made of flesh sometimes.
Malkin also agrees with the detention of AP photographer Bilal Hussein. Hussein, whose photos of the real violence occurring in Iraq made him a target for right wing blogs, has been held without charges for five months now by the American military, who suspect him of collaborating with insurgents or "terrorists." AP and Reporters Without Borders have asked that he be charged or, you know, set the man free. Malkin will have none of that kind of pussy-ass assertion of rights for a fucker like Hussein. Screeches the she-beast, "Well before I reported on Hussein's capture, military bloggers and media watchdog bloggers had raised persistent questions over the past two years about Hussein's relationship with terrorists in Iraq and whether his photos were staged in collusion with our enemies."
Malkin is blaming AP for suppressing the story. She and her flying monkey bloggers have already convicted Hussein. Unlike the three tried and sentenced Catholics in Indonesia, who were no doubt victims of an unfair process, no trial is needed when the religion of the person is the wrong one.
Oh, fuck, at this point, can anyone point to a reason why the cruelly snarling Malkin shouldn't be interned without charge or trial for the duration of, well, hell, let's just say for the duration? 'Cause lately, the vicious she-beast (who lives by the dictum: "If you think Ann Coulter is crazy, watch me eat my own poo") has been practicing cuntistry at such a fevered level that it's like watching humping wolverines.
As Glenn Greenwald points out, ideological consistency is as important to Malkin as a long-term mate is to a black widow spider. While Malkin has essentially said that anything the Bush administration does to torture, maim, or deprive of rights anyone merely tangentially suspected of having passed by an Islamic radical in the street is a-o-fuckin'-kay, she's got her vinyl thong in a crotch twist over the death sentence of three Catholics in Indonesia convicted, at a trial, no less, of having masterminded a massacre of 200 Muslims. See, apparently some of the evidence was "rejected by the court" and some witnesses weren't allowed to testify. So the condemned are appealing to the International Criminal Court.
And one day later, as in today, Malkin's linking to nutzoid right wingers who think that anything approaching rights for terrorism suspects is capitulation to the point that we may as well be growing our beards and blowing up our Christian idols now. For instance, here's one of Malkin's links, the National Review's Andrew "Not the St. Elmo's Fire Guy" McCarthy in USA Today on the case of Maher Arar, the innocent Canadian arrested by the U.S. and renditioned to Syria for torture. Malkin calls Arar "the new liberal cause celebre." McCarthy opines of the Arar error, "[W]ith the lives of 300 million Americans at stake, the United States cannot make national security policy based on individual anecdotes about government roguishness."
One imagines that while Arar was being held for ten months in a cell the size of a casket in a dungeon in Syria, only taken out for torture sessions, he must have been thinking, "Man, all these electrodes on my nuts, regular beatings, and things shoved up my ass really suck for me, but, hey, if it protects 300 million Americans, I'm willing to take one for the team." Yeah, those anecdotes, it's too bad they have to be made of flesh sometimes.
Malkin also agrees with the detention of AP photographer Bilal Hussein. Hussein, whose photos of the real violence occurring in Iraq made him a target for right wing blogs, has been held without charges for five months now by the American military, who suspect him of collaborating with insurgents or "terrorists." AP and Reporters Without Borders have asked that he be charged or, you know, set the man free. Malkin will have none of that kind of pussy-ass assertion of rights for a fucker like Hussein. Screeches the she-beast, "Well before I reported on Hussein's capture, military bloggers and media watchdog bloggers had raised persistent questions over the past two years about Hussein's relationship with terrorists in Iraq and whether his photos were staged in collusion with our enemies."
Malkin is blaming AP for suppressing the story. She and her flying monkey bloggers have already convicted Hussein. Unlike the three tried and sentenced Catholics in Indonesia, who were no doubt victims of an unfair process, no trial is needed when the religion of the person is the wrong one.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A World of Niggers: Bush at the U.N.:
While they were watching George W. Bush speak today at the United Nations, the leaders of the other nations there must have been prepared for anything. Would he throw his own shit at them? Would he scratch his balls through the entire speech? Would he drag out an Iranian child, hold a gun to her head, and threaten to blow her brains all over Kofi Annan if he didn't get himself some motherfuckin' sanctions? Certainly any of that would have been less insulting than the patronizing, sanctimonious, self-righteous, smug call-outs to many of the nations represented. In essence, what Bush did today was to say that the world is full of nations of niggers and the United States is the great white massa who knows best what those darkies need.
Here's just part of Bush's "personal" address to different countries: "To the people of Iraq...The world saw you hold up purple-ink-stained fingers. And your courage filled us with admiration" and "To the people of Afghanistan...we have watched you choose your leaders in free elections and build a democratic government. You can be proud of these achievements" and "To the people of Lebanon...We see your suffering and the world is helping you to rebuild your country and helping you deal with the armed extremists who are undermining your democracy by acting as a state within a state" and "To the people of Iran, the United States respects you."
This, of course, is not to mention his shout-outs to the peoples of Syria, the strange "Today, your rulers have allowed your country to become a crossroad for terrorism," which is fine and dandy except when we send prisoners to be tortured there; and the people of Darfur, "you have suffered unspeakable violence." Somewhere in the Sudan, a woman who is burying pieces of her husband while her children starve around her is just so goddamned grateful.
And why shouldn't she be grateful? Why shouldn't a man in a bombed to splinters and pebbles house in Beirut just be so fuckin' happy? Why shouldn't the women of Afghanistan be dandy-ass thrilled while not going to school and getting beaten and raped? And, shit, it takes a long time to wash away the purple finger of freedom. Yep, lookie, here, world, George Bush says that good times are a-comin' if you just believe in him. Toss aside your centuries of hatred, violence, oppression, and mistrust of the West, sweet niggers of the Mideast and Africa. The stumblefuck white guy with his crazy ass nation-building military has said paradise is around the corner.
Do you think the delgates at the U.N. just shook their heads when Bush unironically said, "Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed"? Or do you think many of their heads were filled with the story of Maher Arar, the Canadian man captured by U.S. authorities, denied any charging or trial, and renditioned to Syria for a year of torture before being set free, and now finally exonerated from any terrorist ties by a Canadian court? Do you think they stared at Bush and thought, "He may treat us like niggers, but we know who the scared little bitch is"?
While they were watching George W. Bush speak today at the United Nations, the leaders of the other nations there must have been prepared for anything. Would he throw his own shit at them? Would he scratch his balls through the entire speech? Would he drag out an Iranian child, hold a gun to her head, and threaten to blow her brains all over Kofi Annan if he didn't get himself some motherfuckin' sanctions? Certainly any of that would have been less insulting than the patronizing, sanctimonious, self-righteous, smug call-outs to many of the nations represented. In essence, what Bush did today was to say that the world is full of nations of niggers and the United States is the great white massa who knows best what those darkies need.
Here's just part of Bush's "personal" address to different countries: "To the people of Iraq...The world saw you hold up purple-ink-stained fingers. And your courage filled us with admiration" and "To the people of Afghanistan...we have watched you choose your leaders in free elections and build a democratic government. You can be proud of these achievements" and "To the people of Lebanon...We see your suffering and the world is helping you to rebuild your country and helping you deal with the armed extremists who are undermining your democracy by acting as a state within a state" and "To the people of Iran, the United States respects you."
This, of course, is not to mention his shout-outs to the peoples of Syria, the strange "Today, your rulers have allowed your country to become a crossroad for terrorism," which is fine and dandy except when we send prisoners to be tortured there; and the people of Darfur, "you have suffered unspeakable violence." Somewhere in the Sudan, a woman who is burying pieces of her husband while her children starve around her is just so goddamned grateful.
And why shouldn't she be grateful? Why shouldn't a man in a bombed to splinters and pebbles house in Beirut just be so fuckin' happy? Why shouldn't the women of Afghanistan be dandy-ass thrilled while not going to school and getting beaten and raped? And, shit, it takes a long time to wash away the purple finger of freedom. Yep, lookie, here, world, George Bush says that good times are a-comin' if you just believe in him. Toss aside your centuries of hatred, violence, oppression, and mistrust of the West, sweet niggers of the Mideast and Africa. The stumblefuck white guy with his crazy ass nation-building military has said paradise is around the corner.
Do you think the delgates at the U.N. just shook their heads when Bush unironically said, "Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed"? Or do you think many of their heads were filled with the story of Maher Arar, the Canadian man captured by U.S. authorities, denied any charging or trial, and renditioned to Syria for a year of torture before being set free, and now finally exonerated from any terrorist ties by a Canadian court? Do you think they stared at Bush and thought, "He may treat us like niggers, but we know who the scared little bitch is"?
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